It's Alive!

Sometimes we all do things that we later regret in life, only we try and convince ourselves that we don't regret those things at all, but instead call them "learning experiences."

Today I was trying to give my cousin some material that I've written, as he does the same.  I had nothing, but I did remember this blog as his mother mentioned it the other night at dinner.  I Googled it, found it and I read as much as I could from my 25 year old self (Hi, I'm 30).  I laughed aloud and reminisced about the craziness that once ensued.  Surely I couldn't let this just sit here unattended forever, but does anyone blog anymore?  Doesn't matter, a journal is a journal is a blog is mottled mess. 
This evening when I got home I decided to log into this old friend and see if anything magically came out of my fingertips as I haven't had the desire to write in ages.  Through multiple failed login attempts I finally realized that the email associated with this account is an old account that I deleted 2 and a half years ago when I met my [now] ex-boyfriend.  

There are two points to this story.

1. DO NOT ERASE YOUR PAST.  You are who you are due to all of your past experiences: Wins, fails, all of it.  I have nothing to regret, but I was so afraid that he wouldn't have approved that I erased the hardly used email account (OKAY!  I used it mostly for online purchase receipts).  This is a regret which in turn dominoes into a learning experience.  If someone doesn't accept all of your old battle wounds and mistakes then they're not worth the time.
2. THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE FOR RECOVERY.  I spent 15 minutes trying to figure out how I could reset my password, but everything led to that sad, deleted email account.  I went to Yahoo! to try and pretend like I had never deleted it only to get the message, "Account not yet taken."  Apparently, with most accounts, if it's deleted for longer than 3-6 months it's fair game.  Dare I try it?  You bet!  I claimed the old email account, went back to the main Blogger page, once again clicked the "Forgot my password" tab and received the link to reset my password.

Hello again!

We may fall, get bruised or broken, but there's always recovery.  A small piece of us may drift away that we never get back, maybe a sparkle or two inside is lost, but within time we grow stronger and brighter than we ever were before.  I've missed me.

I Droved!

This is long overdue, but I figured, "Hey!  There's still those really freaky pictures in your phone.  Put 'em up already and get 'em out!."


I started a new job a couple of months ago and one of the prerequisites was to drive 4 hours northwest to another location to receive training.  Destination: Clearwater.  Crap.  You mean I have to DRIVE outside of my comfort zone?  I'm pretty sure the anxiety kicked in a month before the trip.  I know there's a name for that disorder, but although I can't remember it and I don't feel like spending too much time trying to Google it, I did find this which would've come in useful at the time, thanks a lot.


Okay, so after a lot of research (including a Google Map and 2 GPS units), my decided route would be I-75 through Alligator Alley all the way up, then I-275 the rest of the way.
The drive went pretty well, I liked the Alley despite the boringness of it all - When you have a fear of driving, boring is good.  I had a bunch of CDs so I was prepared for the 4-hours and I knew I wasn't stopping for anything.


I made it to I-275 and noticed that it was leading me through the Gulf.  Neat!  I looked forward and noticed that way, way down was this really high bridge.  "Good thing I'm not driving on that," I thought to myself.  So, I did the smart and safe thing and proceeded to attempt taking a picture of it.

Note: I kept the picture the original size for effect.  What is THAT?!

So I continued the stretch of road wedged in between the no-doubt shark-infested waters of the Gulf and took another picture as I approached.

Dang, that's high.  And oh my God, it's a part of the road. 

So yeah, I drove over the gigantic bridge, scary scary, and after a few almost misturns (is that a word?) and minor freakouts, I made it to my destination.

The point though, is this freakin' bridge.  I learned that it's the famous Skyway Bridge and it has a lot going on.  I met one of the District Managers that works over where my training was and he said, "Did you notice all of the call boxes at the top of the bridge?"  I sure did.  "Yeah, I would be freaked out if I broke down up there, so it's smart that they put them there."  He corrected me.  "No, those are for the people who want to jump off.  If they pick up the phone, the authorities try and talk them off."  He was serious!

When I got home from my trip, I did more research on it and I also learned that the bridge had collapsed in 1980, so that made me feel awesome.  In all, it's just an interesting bridge and I enjoyed the experience.

Hell House Tours

Where's Your Final Destination?

Hell House Tour

Tickets $5 Per Person

October 30 & 31

Tours 7PM-10PM

Cooper City Church of God

I don't like religion at all and this is absolutely absurd. What are they gonna do, re-enact Dante's Inferno? Get lost.

Ryan Buell Breaks My Heart

This is a blogging emergency.  Ryan Buell, my own personal prince for over 3 years when his stupid show debuted on A&E, has revealed in his new book that he's bisexual.  My mother insists he looks like Isaac from "Children of the Corn" (1984 edition), ergo he must be something of the devil, and this is her confirmation.

Isaac, Children of the Corn. 1984

Disclaimer: We're not very religious people, and she does not really think that gays/lesbians are of the devil. Thank you.

Now, I know being bisexual he still likes girls, but what I'm afraid of is, a) he was missing something from women/men that he went looking for in the opposite. I say "women/men" because who knows if he was attracted to women before men or vice versa, b) if he's only saying "bisexual" to make it more socially accepted, when really he's gay.  Also that would make me a really sad panda, and c) if in the future he'll choose to be with men. 

Granted, I shouldn't really care regardless because we'll never be together (thank you, cruel universe), but I seriously didn't see this coming at all and so, let us mourn. 

Ryan Buell, sigh.

Death to TMJ Disorder

At this moment, my jaw feels like someone took a mini ice cream scooper, removed my lower mandible from the rest of my face, scraped the joint out leaving ragged, unprotected edges, and then reattached my mandible leaving bone rubbing against bone.


Hello, Vicodin. 

Adventures of A&A: Here Fishy, Fishy

"A day in the life of a girl and her wife."


Alicia: i've been having a lot of dreams with joe in them. makes me miss him, but i don't even know how to get in touch with him
Allie: i'm not going to lie, i thought you meant your fish
Alicia: lmao

well, in your defense, the fish was named after this guy

all 4 of em


(Note: Joe I, II, III, IV, were all Beta fish I've had. Joe IV lived over 2 years and passed a couple of months ago. Allie thought I might've been suggesting finding a way to speak to my deceased fish.)

Please check out this link.  These are pictures taken after the Depression in COLOR. Normally, when I look at black and white pictures of the past, it seems like a different world - almost easy and amazing! I find myself often saying, "I wish I lived during that time period." After looking at these, although different, it seems almost relatable - doesn't seem that different in color. Makes ya think.

Captured: America in Color from 1939-1943

Weepy McWeeperson

Feel like crying like a baby?  Check out this comp of surprise homecomings.

Movie Review: Inception

( via )

No worries, I won't spoil anything.  I know there are like, 3 people out there who haven't seen it, yet. 


So, yeah.  Inception was getting good reviews from the get-go, made a ridiculous amount of money (over $100 million and it's only been out for 2 weeks) and is still in the #1 spot.  


Plot:  Go into dreams and extract information, blah blah, twist, surprise.  Google it.


I was so excited to see this because of my own fascination with dreams and what they mean and why we have them and, and, and...
Now keep in mind, this film is 2.5 hours long.  For the first maybe 1.5 hours I'm thinking to myself, "Yeah, this is good, but what's the big deal?"  Leo's hot, even Joseph Gordon Levitt --whom I used to find kind of annoying -- was pretty nice to look at.  Maybe it's because he doesn't talk much, but I digress. 
The last hour or so of the film I started to get more excited.  The ending blew me away.


Why I Liked Loved it:  They incorporated actual ideals about dreams that we believe.  The fact that dreams typically last minutes or seconds, but seem a lot longer when you dream them.  The fact that dreams make more sense when you're asleep and when you wake up and try to explain them you sound like a psycho.  This whole idea of a "kick" where when you feel like you're falling you wake up.  I loved all of that.


Ah, yes.  Inception.  See it.  Call me, I'll probably go again.

Allah is our Protector

I've seen this van a few times driving locally.  I believe in freedom of speech, and more importantly, I'm pretty much agnostic so I don't care who you/what believe in, but what I'm not sure if I quite understand is this (look closely):

Notice it?  Well, yes, the obvious and maybe disturbing "ALLAH IS OUR PROTECTOR" sticker, but moreover, the middle sticker above it is a USMC sticker.  Now, I get America stands for tolerance and acceptance of everyone's personal beliefs, but at this time, is it not ironic?  Maybe I've got it all wrong, but we're fighting a war on terrorism - Al Qaeda's main focus (if I have it correctly) to be rid of anything that's non-Islamic. 

It could just be me, but at the same time, this person is driving around hickville and if I'm asking questions about it then I'm surprised this car is still in one piece.

Beach Day (Again)

BEACH!

Having a blank schedule sometimes has it's advantages.  A friend was in town and we made some spur-of-the-moment plans to go to the beach and lunch and take it from there.  We were never really close as she's a bit younger, and we've never really hung out that much aside from a meal here or there.  
Every time we get together, though, I learn something new about her.  She's full of so many experiences in her short lifetime and I'm amazed at some of the stories she tells.  She's been through so much, both good and bad and it amazes me at how she's turned out.  For me, the best type of friendships I have are the kind where If I were to turn off all senses I still wouldn't have to worry about anything because the person I'm with would make sure I'm okay and take care of me.  She's one of those people.

:)

PMS Rant Session: Volume 1

My blog, I can rant if I want to, and today, we're going to touch back on the subject of irony.


In short, I'm actually exerting the effort to get to know someone. I keep in touch, I ask to make plans - whatever time works for them is good for me. I listen to them ramble on about stuff I don't know about and I can hardly get a word in edgewise. Enough about me, anyway, right?
Scenario: Sports bar, 2 for 1 drinks.
Conversation: Dating.
After some talk back and forth about the subject, he said something about my coming out with him for a drink. He said something about it being a good idea. Yeah, a good idea I had, just like the other two times we hung out. I boldly told him how it's usually me initiating everything. I think I even went so far as to tell him that I'm not doing it anymore. He obviously has no idea about my track record in dating. I never put forth effort, at least not for long. 
Not 5 minutes later, did he tell me how his sister told him to date as much as possible, so that's what he's trying to do - even though not all of the dates ever go anywhere. Apparently my expression and body language immediately changed because he asked me what was on my mind and what he said wrong.
Nothing! You said/did nothing wrong, but now I know that I shouldn't be putting forth that much effort when I'm obviously not getting it in return. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I don't date. This is most likely to be continued.


In other news, why bother being the good friend when even those who do wrong get praised? It almost makes my friendship feel discounted. Think of a 10 year old doing exactly what you tell them not to because they know they'll get your attention when they do it. I almost want to be a douche just to make them realize how good they had it. What a downer!


/Rant.


Period, commence. 

"I feel like an 'ant marching.' We're all like ants marching right now."

Ah, yes.  No fancy blog openings, no build-up.  Point blank: I was treated to my first ever Dave Matthews Band concert experience last night and it was just as amazing as I had anticipated.

My best friend makes things happen for me.  Now, with her most recent (and best) boyfriend, together they make even more things happen for me.  This is obviously one of those things.  Dave's music is truly spectacular and works of art - each piece.  The key changes, the lyrics: He always has a story to tell and people listen.  Those who don't listen only don't listen because so many do, and that's okay.  More for us.

I've had my own setlist written in my mind.  I wanted "Stay or Leave," "Captain," "Louisiana Bayou," "Laying in the Hands of God," "Don't Drink the Water," "Seven," "Alligator Pie," "You and Me," "Bartender," so many more to name, most of which were played!  We left before the encore, but that's okay - I was just so happy to be there.  

I wanted so badly for him to play  "Stay or Leave," but I thought my chances were very slim.  I just wanted to dance with my best friend to this song as the lyrics are some of my favorite.  Lo and behold, it was his 2nd or 3rd song of the set.  Talk about my night!

I'll be living off this for a while... and I'm okay with that.


"Remember when we used to dance and everyone wanted to be you and me? I want to be, too." -Dave Matthews, "Stay or Leave."

Baby Sitters Club

I now only receive channels 1-28 on my television. I'm absolutely traumatized and I will think of a solution but for now I'm just digging into the vault for DVDs to watch.  Late last night I started with Goodfellas and then moved on to the Baby Sitters Club followed by some Tim Burton gems.  


I hadn't seen BSC (Baby Sitters Club) in many moons, which is why I dusted it off and popped it into the DVD player.  The story seemed a lot different to me this time around then it did when I was a tween watching it.  One word: Disturbing.


First of all, these girls (ages 11 and 13: the 11-year old's being "junior members" of the BSC) were actual business women.  They were 13-years old  providing a service and collecting payment.  Sure it was just baby sitting, but they had office hours, an office phone and a treasurer.  When I was 13, Mary Anne, I wasn't kissing Logan, I was riding horses.  


Furthermore, they were dealing with real-life almost adult-like issues.  Kristy's father came back into her life which she felt was necessary to keep as a secret, Dawn was studying for a ridiculous anatomy test, Stacey was a NYC-obsessed diabetic and they were all bending over backwards for each other. THIRTEEN!


Lastly, (this is the part that really bothered me) Stacey and her foreign boyfriend.  A child she would baby sit for regularly introduced Stacey to her foreign cousin, Luca.  He was 17 and took an instant liking to Stacey, who lied about her age.  She convinced him that she was 16 and they enjoyed their little weekly dates.  Of course he found out she was only 13, freaked out, but then came back (but of course) at the end of the movie to tell her he was suddenly okay with it.  He assured her he would be back to visit next summer when he was 18 to which she replied, "I'll be 14 then!" 
"I know!"  He said with a smile and then sealed it with a kiss.
SEVENTEEN!  THIRTEEN!  Try that again next summer, buddy.  Jail likes bitches. 


What the hell were we watching as kids?!

Sleep Talkin' Man

This is worth it's own post.  I'm sure I'm the only one living under the rock who hasn't seen this blog/heard of it until today, but in case I'm not, you MUST add this blog:

http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com

This blog is managed by this English man's wife, Karen, who records her husband throughout the night because he says the most ridiculous, hilarious things in his sleep.

Dream Weaver

Last night I had a dream about an old fling who's actually quite popular these days.  In reality, our relationship was always rocky, walking on eggshells in fear of setting each other off -- well, wait.  I always walked on eggshells in fear of setting HIM off.  He didn't care about what I thought.


Anywhozzle, he was in my dream last night and he was as affectionate, kind, and sensitive to me as ever.  It was quite nice and refreshing.  It even made me miss him a little.  It's obviously sticking with me a bit!

"You SUCK, Brander!"

I've had a lot more time lately to think about the different relationships I have in my life. I tend to come off insensitive and crude --to most people, anyway-- but there's one thing for sure: 

I would never go out of my way to intentionally hurt anyone. 

There are people out there who have track records of doing hurtful things to those they "care about" and then expect those loved one's to shrug it off and welcome them in again with open arms. The gal who's reading this knows what I'm talking about, eh, lovie? Those types of "friends" deserve nothing. They want what they want and they don't care who they hurt while racing down the path to get it. Call me insensitive (again) but I think those people deserve nothing. You messed up, deal with the consequences.

Then there are people who purposely go for the jugular. They'll constantly belittle you and everything you enjoy for their own twisted pleasure. This, of course, coming from the same people who say, "you think you're better than everyone else." Nay, you know why? Because (see above) I would never. Go out of my way. To intentionally hurt anyone. You, on the other hand, get pleasure out of it, and I think people like you deserve nothing. 

Both types of people I listed above have excuses for everything. They didn't realize how much they'd hurt the person and they're sorry, or you can't tell the tone via email, text or writing. I'm calling bullsh*t! Ethics are instilled young (at least if you're raised correctly) and tone is crap. What you're typing is what you're thinking regardless. I always type exactly how I speak, so if you get offended by what I say, it's because that's what I was thinking and it hit home, not because, "Oh gee. If I had said that to your face, I would've laughed afterwards, so it's not as rude." 

Time to cut the fat. We've got a lot of work to do. 

Adventures of A&A: Thinking Ahead

"A day in the life of a girl and her wife."

Allie: 

oy

on a completely unrelated note

i bought my new years dress

: )

Alicia: 

it's may

Allie: 

i know

You Tell Me Now?!

I was going to write this post about how I'm not feeling myself lately. I was telling my coworker/friend whom I confide in that I feel like I've become the biggest curmudgeon in the last 4 years. He was quick to correct me that I'm not bitter and jaded, I've just lost my confidence. I'd prefer that over just being a plain jerk.


I've been talking to old friends on Facebook. It's amazing how happy I was when I was with them and it's amazing how simply reminiscing about those times brings me to happier place. I must've talked to at least a handful of old friends who admitted to having a crush on me back during those days. That's not relevant to this post aside from it making me feel good, but I thought it was funny because I'm positive it's happened to all of us. 


I'm trying to change direction a bit to get myself back (myself from those happier times) and although I wish it would happen faster, I know it's going to be a slow, annoying, painful process. I'm thankful to have some old friends in my life again. My former roommate/coworker and now semi-boss. I had forgotten how helpful and kind he is. I know that spending more time with him is going to help me get on the path of regaining my self-confidence and increasing my overall worth.

I think he's onto something:

Git R Done

Sign on my friend Mike's fence. Motivating.