Happy Birthday, Wife!

So, I was at work one day toward the end of November and I get a text from a number that I'm not familiar with. It read something along the lines of:

"Hello, miss. It's your wife's boyfriend."

Hi JJ! He went on to ask me if I would be open to coming up to spend New Years with the crew. Of course I wanted to, but it would obviously be extremely expensive. He explained that it would be a birthday gift for my bestest and he would split it with a couple of other amazing friends. I agreed that if I could get the time off approved, of course I would go.

By November 30th, the flight was officially booked and I was officially going to freeze my butt off with my favorite people. The hard part: keeping it a surprise from Allie. We tell each other everything! There were so many things I wanted to tell her and so many questions I had about New Years that I couldn't say or ask! 


Lucky for me, I had E to keep me posted. I couldn't very well ask JJ, what if she was around when I sent him an email or a text? What if he forgot to delete them from his phone and she saw what I had written? I couldn't take the chance. E and I developed our own code word just in case Allie was around or for E, just in case he accidentally messaged the wrong girl. Afterall, our names both begin with "Al-" and our screen names are dangerously similar. We agreed that we wouldn't mention anything about new years without proper use of the code phrase.

"Tippy toe!"

For the next couple of weeks we talked about how we were going to surprise Al with the news of my coming up. It was especially hard not to tell her when she would constantly tell me she wished I were there, or wished that I was going to be there for Christmas or that I should be E's date for New Years (little did she know!). Eventually, JJ decided that it would be be best if he were to tell her on her Birthday (Christmas day). At that time, there would only be about a week before I would arrive. I told him just to let me know what he needed me to do and I would absolutely do it.

Christmas day, JJ texted me when he was on his way to Allie's to celebrate her 20-something birthday.

"I'll be at Allie's at around 3:30. I'll call you and pass the phone so you can tell her." 

Sure thing! And sure enough, I got the phone call. We exchanged Merry Christmas' and he told me to hold on while he handed Allie the phone. After I heard her nervous, "hello?" all I could think to say was:

"Hi! I just wanted to say Happy Birthday... and I love you... and I can't wait to see you on Thursday."

 The reaction was caught on tape and might I say it was quite hilarious. However, I don't have the code to embed it in this blog. Ho-hum!

See you in a couple days, love!

 

Uncensored: Audacity Awareness

They say when it rains, it pours. In my (un)professional opinion, I'm not sure if it's because a lot of negative things happen at once or if it's because since we're already sensitive from our one bumming event that we just think everything else that follows is negative. 

I consider things to be really "bad" when I feel the need to call my best friend and begin the conversation with, "you're not going to believe this..." Otherwise, things can wait until the following day until I see her on AIM. She also suggested that I write about it and eirgo, she contributed to the title of this very blog.

A couple months ago, I went on a first (and last) date with this guy we shall call Brad. We seemed to have a great time. We talked, laughed, shared a few drinks, shared a snack (I paid) and then we played video games in which I whooped his scrawny butt. All the signs pointed to "GO - collect $200." We even sat in the parking lot for what seemed like two hours talking and kissing like teenagers. The months pass, we don't see each other again, but we continued to talk here and there. He would complain about how he's embarrassed to date anyone because his career isn't going where he wanted it to go, he was 30 living with his parents and he in all felt like a loser. I was supportive and I gave him words of encouragement until he landed his dream job (well, almost) to which I said, "see? I told you things would work out."

In the last few weeks, Brad would tell me he wanted to hang out again, even shared his thoughts about what he'd like to do in a physical sense (oh, behave). He's very charming in a dorky sort of way, so a few nights ago, I felt like playing along with him. I sent him a message asking him if he could do me a favor. My plan was to follow it up with something flirty. Brad's response:

"Make it quick. I have to be up at 5 AM for work."

The only thing I could think to say after that was, "goodnight." Talk about a mood-killer! The next evening, I got an IM from him saying:

"Now I know how you felt after our first date."

I was intrigued! I didn't even know how I felt after our first date. He went on to explain that he went on an amazing date on Christmas Eve and he hasn't really heard back from the girl. He was bummed out because it was the best date he's been on in 10 years. There were several other details and I sat there and read each message with many different emotions swirling around my brain. Is this guy serious? I didn't know which was worse! The fact that he assumed I felt my date with him was the best I had been on in 10 years or the fact that he had the audacity (word of the day) to vent to me about his woes!

I let him have it. Boy, did I let him have it. I calmly (yet firmly) explained to him how silly he was to assume that's how I felt. Not only that, but if he thought I felt that way, then what in his right mind would make him think it would be okay to tell me about his problem? Looks aren't everything, because as handsome as this guy may have been, he definitely wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. The only thing I could think to say after that was:

"Since day one I've been trying to be nothing but understanding and supportive but I can't help but think you're just a dick. I'm going to go ahead and take your advice from last night and 'make it quick.'"

Gone. Deleted. I've seen "He's Just Not That Into You," I don't need this crap!

Two days later I check my messages and I have an email from a dear, old friend whom we shall call Ben. Ben goes on to write that he needs me to disappear from his life because he's trying to patch things up with his wife and he doesn't want any distractions (she's never really liked me - it's more for her). I can appreciate that, although, the night before he was using me as a shoulder and didn't want to lose me again. He also explained that if they were to split for good, he would be back to reclaim his old friend.

I was a little hurt, but I wrote him back telling him that if he were to come back, hopefully I'd be understanding enough to accept. Later on that same day, he sends me an IM saying:

"Of course you'll accept, that's what friends do. We'll have a beer and laugh it off."

The audacity! How dare you toss our life-long friendship aside and then assume that I'll accept it when you're ready to pick up again. If you feel my friendship is disposable, then maybe I shouldn't be so forgiving.

Audacious audaciousness! Do you mooks have any pride?

au-da-cious  /ɔˈdeɪʃəs/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [aw-dey-shuhs] Show IPA

–adjective 1. extremely bold or daring; recklessly brave; fearless: an audacious explorer.
2. extremely original; without restriction to prior ideas; highly inventive: an audacious vision of the city's bright future.
3. recklessly bold in defiance of convention, propriety, law, or the like; insolent; brazen.
4. lively; unrestrained; uninhibited: an audacious interpretation of her role.

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2009 Christmas List: UPDATE

I got the toothbrush. 






...and only the toothbrush.


Heck, I may as well do a review on it.


So, good ole' pops picked out the Philips Sonicare Essence 5300. It's the cheapest model, I believe, but I absolutely dig it.

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The one I was introduced to (at my dentist office) was this heavy-duty mammerjammer with different settings (rush mode or regular - kind of silly) and a UV cleaner. This model, the e5300 is pretty basic - no special settings, no UV sanitizer but I've already used it 3 times and each time I feel like I just got a professional cleaning. It also has a neat feature where it automatically turns off after your 2 minutes. For those of you with poor hygiene, you're supposed to brush your teeth for 2 minutes (in circular motions if you want to get specific). You don't even need to do that with this brush, actually. This sucker is wicked powerful. In fact, I'm going to recommend that toy manufacturers (adult or otherwise) should start using that technology, if you catch my drift.

Overall, A+. I loves me my new toothbrush.

Now, someone send Ryan!

Adventures of A&A: Fantastical Fiction

"A day in the life of a girl and her wife."

Allie: all i want to do for a living is write
Allie: my own shit
Allie: my own way
Alicia: yeah, good luck with that
Alicia: lol
Allie: carrie bradshaw did it!
Alicia: she's not real, baby
Allie: i know
Allie: i want her career...and her shoes

Heaven is Convenient

I liked Brittany Murphy. A lot. Since I first saw her. I'm absolutely heart-broken that she left us so tragically at such a young age. It's in these moments that I wish I believed in God because I hate picturing someone's life just blatantly ending with nothing afterwards. I guess this is where my trouble lies.

Hopefully her energy is somewhere peaceful.

Yeah...

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2009 Christmas List

I'm Jewish and non-religious, so without further ado, here is my Christmas wish-list:

Pleo by Ugobe

That's right, we all know this. I want a "life form" that won't crap on my carpet. Or eat. And has an OFF button if necessary. Besides, who doesn't want a pet dino? Hopefully we get Christmas bonuses at work 'cause this is where it's going. Mommy's coming, Pleo!

 

Philips Sonicare mack-daddy electric toothbrush

What?! I like clean teeth. Besides, I have dental floss in my purse, desk at work and my house, so why don't I own this? Exactly - it would only make sense. 

 

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Clydesdale

I've wanted one of these bad boys since I was a kid. I want the animal, not the bills that come with it. These things are massive. That is all.

Micro pave diamond ring

Okay, so, obviously it doesn't have to be emerald cut, but I'd like a diamond ring that has diamonds surrounded by diamonds. Platinum or white gold, size 3.5.

Ryan Buell

I've also wanted this for a while now. I'm pretty sure he comes as a combo deal with the ring above, no? My mother says he's creepy-looking like Malakai from Children of the Corn. I say NAY! Ah, crap - I missed the season 4 premiere of Paranormal State last night, didn't I? CRAP!

Wife

I miss her. She loves me unconditionally and I love her the same. She's the one person who can do the most dumb things (which she doesn't really do) and I still don't get frustrated with her. Plus she takes wicked good care of me. I wouldn't mind her moving down.

This concludes my wish-list for this year. Thank you in advance.

Adventures of A&A: Mistaken Identity

"A day in the life of a girl and her wife."

Allie: i love dave
Alicia: kotchie?
Allie: matthews
Alicia: OH
Alicia: lmao