Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Snap, Crackle, POP!

I was laying in my bed fiddling with a loose molar while watching "Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken" (I was 11) when my jaw first decided it wanted to lock open. Holy freak-out, Batman!

Now, this was over 14 years ago, so you can imagine the lack of knowledge on the whole issue of TMJ. I was told to "take these vials of syrum once per day and take an Aleve every day to stop inflamation."

Good thinkin', doc. Here's my money.

I've hit some rough patches throughout my years in middle school, the most memorable being the time when my jaw stayed locked close all day until I went to my specialist and he injected the joint with a muscle relaxor. Yes, a needle in my jaw. Not as rockstar as you'd think. It was at that time I started to panic. The mouthpiece wasn't helping, it would only cause my jaw to lock even more, the hot compresses were useless and I was immune to Aleve. Columbia University's verdict:
"Um, well... I reccommend surgery, but I doubt it would even help your case."

Good thinkin', doc. Here's my money.
I've decided to live with it. A few cracks, pops and sore days won't get me down. Damn the man!
The date: April, 2009.
The place: Bank Atlantic Center, Panthers vs. Capitals.
The food: Nachos.
The pain/pop: Intense.
Welcome to my face, new pop on the left-hand side when I open my mouth. You're ruining my life.

The date: July, 2009.
The place: Dentist office, wisdom teeth removal.
My new title: Dental Assistant. That's right - I held my jaw in place so it wouldn't dislocate while he was beating my face to smitherines.

"Hey, doc. I was thinking about your friend that would help me with my jaw. It's really starting to get to me and every other 'specialist' wants $265 for a consult and $400 for x-rays."
"Yes, that sounds about right."

Good thinkin', doc. Here's my money.

Shouldn't this all be covered? I have a skeletal issue, for crying out loud. It's not my fault! My jaw should NOT be tired and sore after taking three small bites of my delicious chocolate chocolate chip muffin.
Where's the freakin' justice!?

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